NOTE: If u haven't read the Part-1 of this, please don't proceed further. Stop here, read the Part-1 which is below this & come back!
I find that I'm no more wanted by any of them.Though it isn't deliberate, everyone seem to be pissed off with everyone else. I'm enjoying the sunlight that is hitting me on my face directly! But the unknown apprehension is spreading across the body completely and I'm in no mood to stop it, scrutinize it and curb it completely. I let go of it. I completely allow my body, mind and heart to go free. Run wherever they want to. Think of whtever they want to. For the first time in many months, I find something is really making me happy. Something that has the source, waiting to be discovered by me. The apprehension is now at critical stage as it takes over my primary senses. I'm feeling gay.cheerful.Light at heart. I open my eyes and sit straight and see everything around me. It is really surprising to note tht the same environment that was so hostile earlier seemed so full of life now!
Everything, as I find is taking shape and is materializing itself in a completely new way! I go back to the place where the audience are seated and find that prize distribution ceremony was on and brought cheer and anticipation of excietement to the faces who know, they've something in stock and dullness and apathy to those who are from then on jobless as they leave their places and go to find better ways of entertaining themselves! I find a smile on my face and wait for an hour more to see my dear friends receiving prizes and their beaming faces. And after they were done, I still found that I was not wanted by anyone. Though that seemed to take an altogether completely different picture now, it still pained me. I find that the apprehension has taken its control over the body and is in super critical stage I bothered it in the least! Though I dont know many of the guys around me I keep wishing them and congratulating them on their success and receiving prizes! I always like to stay alone and all the times have opted for seclusion. But this somehow seems different from all those previous times as I felt wanted!
In the meanwhile a lady calls me to find out if I can make it to home for lunch! And i irritatingly answer her that I wouldn't be coming and she can go ahead; and as I'm trying to disconnect the call the lady pesters me to tell what happened to my dance. I pause for a while and tell her what happened. Concerningly she asks the reason and how I'm feeling; I answer some crap and in an impulse cut the call telling her I'd be home soon and lying that I already had my lunch there. But why am I in such a haste? Why did I talk so impudently to the lady? After all she's been with me for 18 and a half long years thinking of me every second and living her life building up expectations on me and loving unconditionally! I felt cross with myself and my heart scolded me for being so rough with her. Then I find whispering to myself, "I love u mom!". Perhaps never in the recent times have I felt towards her as I'm feeling now. Unconditional love. Yes! I saluted with deep reverence to her and felt glad of her presence in my life.
It is often found that ppl in colleges are mostly identified by the gangs they maintain. By the groups they usually roam around wid. if u wanna stay alone and be friendly wid everyone, it might be okay in the short run, but in the long run shows its effect. Though i never maintained my gang I find my set of chums missing as they take a day off! Thus left alone, without informing anyone I take a 7seater and head towards mehdipatnam to take a bus home.
Though the world seemed bright for an hour or 2 I found myself back to the 'pissed of mood'! The ppl in the auto are chatting noisily unmindful of other's presence and other's need for silence! En route, though its a short journey, it made me realise so many things to which im thankful to...perhaps God!
Everything around is pacing off as usual, never bothering about the cancellation of some damned team's dance program in some college's Republic day function! Everything around seemed so normal. The completely militarized area of Ibrahimbagh and Narsingi seemed peaceful and usual. Vendors going around and yelling their products for sale. Shops filled with ppl having many requirements. A squirrel escapes its death as a car puts a sudden break. Workers laying the road. Amidst all these I still find some interesting sights! A young boy, perhaps 6-7 years of age, helps his dad do his daily routine of pedaling long distances with a cart filled with construction material. He pushes the loaded cart up a small elevation and as the task was completed the father happily looks at his son and pedals away and the sun looks for a while and goes away. Though it is a very ubiquitous scene, I somehow find it surprisingly different. I'm filled with so much of compassion and a small happy seed seems to be planted. I make effort to see what the young lad is up to and amidst the stagnant traffic I find tht he is having his lunch in an unhygienic place wid unclean hands in a roughly dusted parcel and seemed to relish it and is at peace. Though it is prevalent everywhere,I couldn't stop myself from thinking about it.
Then I find another loner like me; an aged gurkha or a police, I'm not sure, regulates the congested traffic and luckily ppl are heeding to him and a hidden smile is on his face which I can see it, not wid my eyes but with my heart. He helps children cross the road, diverts the traffic from an under-construction flyover and seems to be completely at peace with himself as I find no hint of irritation or disgust on his face. I smile lookin at him and he smiles back and points to the tricolor flag pinned to his shirt wishing me a happy Rday! Looking at everything I find that I'm in a far far far better position. In the sense, i dont have to push a cart to make a living,I dont need to eat in uncouth surroundings and I dont need to stand in the hot sun regulating the heavy traffic with loads of dust and pollution in the air! The happy seed now grew into a sapling! Deep within my heart I thank God for this all!
But there's still a lot to come in stock!
Waiting for Part 3!!!
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